I think you lose something when you take commitment and self-giving submission out of marriage, as so many have done in our culture. When marriage is self-serving at the core, whether it lasts or ends up being a loving marriage ends up being a crap shoot. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, just that such an arrangement tends to miss out on something.
And that something is the blessing of having someone give themselves to you, as you in turn give yourself to them. It is the kind of relationship I certainly have a hard time conjurring up, but which Christ can certainly make happen, both by His example and by His Spirit.
I have to confess I don't do this very well. This is painfully evident to me as I compare how well I've loved my wife with how well she has loved me. I am amazed at what she has sacrificed to allow me to go to seminary. You think you know love, and then someone goes and does some wordless and prolonged act of support and solidarity with you, which costs them a great deal, and then you are left speechless at that person's grace, kindness, commitment, and love.
She is a wonderful woman, my wife. I am not worthy of her. Christ has truly blessed me graciously. This gift, along with hers to me, is plenty of motivation for me to try to be more worthy. To love as I am loved.
By the way, I am okay with people modelling their marriage on the "woman submits to the man" model, but that's not what I'm describing here. We submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. I'm just saying that my wife does a much better job of this than I do. She's beautiful folks.