Thursday, December 14, 2006

I've Solved the Worship Problem

For decades a war has been waging over what to do with church worship. Do we sing hymns or choruses or both? Do we sing the contemporary top 40 or the timeless classics? Do we try to give everyone in our congregation something to sing to or do we cater to a "target group"?

How do we have corporate worship that is meaningful and inspiring for everyone? How do make sure that everyone gets something out of the church worship? How do bring people together for an experience of God that will be authentic and which will speak to them, when our congregations are full of so many different people at so many different walks of life who see things so incredibly differently? How do we worship in the same room?

I've figured it out. I've solved the problem. I am going to be the UN peacekeeping force for the worship wars. Want to know my solution?

iPods.

iPods for everyone.

You come in to church, you are greeted by an usher, and you are given an iPod to use for the morning.

And when the cue is given everyone puts on their headphones and scrolls through the playlist for the worship songs of their choice.

Each iPod will be full of contemporary hits, golden oldies, 70s camp choruses, Vineyard choruses, Redman, Third Day, Ira Sankey, Charles Wesley, Fanny Crosby, Shout to the Lord kids, heck, even some U2--it'll all be there. Just choose what YOU want and worship more authentically than you ever thought possible. You will be sure to get something out of the worship every week. You will never have to sit through a song you don't like or understand again.

Feel free to raise your arms, dance, kneel, bow on the floor, stand or sit. If you like you can opt for the blindfold apparatus as well, so that there is no bashfulness or distraction.

Isn't it about time church was a place for YOU to worship again? Isn't it about time they sang your favourite song again--you know, the good one, not like all that drivel they keep pumping out week after week?

Isn't it time that corporate worship was something you could feel good about again?

Isn't it time someone thought of YOU for a change?

iPods, Headphones, and optional blindfolds: the secret to revival for church worship, and the end of our worship wars.

Why didn't anyone think of this sooner?

10 comments:

matthew a. wilkinson said...

Optional blindfolds. I like that.

Can we have our choice of sermons too?

Coutts said...

you bet, what with podcasts and all you could hear whatever you want!

Anonymous said...

no kidding. why do we plant a new church everytime a new style or preference or preaching is needed? it would be so much easier if we did it this way. we could sell all our church buildings and come together in one place and have the best and most united corporate worship since Pentecost!

Tony Tanti said...

Hilarious stuff Jon. You make a valid point in all your hyperbole.

I will say this too, my most meaningful spiritual moments of the last few years include a couple times when I was alone listening to music. On a discman though, old technology.

Anonymous said...

Better yet, why don't we all stay home and play satellite images of each other worshiping on our big screen tvs. That way we don't have to be bothered by anyone else's musical choices or worship expressions unless we choose to. We can flip the remote until we find others more like us!

matthew a. wilkinson said...

um, I think this is what we do already. and obviously it is working quite well.

(I can't sustain the sarcastic tone for much longer.)

Anonymous said...

That is a fantastic idea!!! I think I'll pitch it to my Sr. Pastor tommorow!!

Mom Zed said...

I love it! You should use this in a sermon someday!

those Graftons said...

I also suggest a car adapter, for those of us who like to arrive late to church and avoid all the handshakes. Chuckle.

those Graftons said...

Wait. Did you mean Matt Redman as in "Where Angels Fear To Tread" or Redman as in "Straight Outta Lo Cash"?

I guess worship really is up to the individual.

- R.