Sunday, March 25, 2007

I Am A Crotchedy Old Man

You get used to winter in the sub-zero prairies, you know? It is dark by supper time and it is too cold for anyone to be outside for longer than a few minutes so things are pretty quiet in the neighborhood. Not bad for an introverted home-body who usually forgets to open the blinds anyway.

So when spring hits I suppose it is always a bit of an adjustment. Tonight for some reason it is a huge adjustment. I'm not sure it is different than any other year, but my neighborhood is really bugging me tonight. Getting under my skin. I must be getting old. Maybe I'm becoming the crotchedy old neighbor. I certainly feel like one, even though I haven't yet run out in my underwear with a shotgun yelling obsenities. That would sure feel good though!

Here's a few of the things bothering me this evening. Tell me if I'm crazy.
* the size of our side yard means that the neighbor's newly set up trampoline basically leans against our house. When standing on it they can see in our bathroom. Putting the boys to bed we could hear everything they were saying out there.
* the neighbor's firepit ensures we get smoky smells in our windows on that side. None of these things is wrong or bad for them to do. I'm sure they are great people. But it feels like we're camping, and crotchedy as I am, that's a bit of an adjustment when I'm sitting in my living room.
* tonight we're standing out on the driveway talking to someone and a couple people walk right past us to cut through our yard without saying a word. Not that I mind, but, hello? We're standing right here!
* Dogs poop all over the place in this town. We have poop in our yard from at least three different species of canine. I walk through a mine field every day on the way to school.
* I could have sworn I heard a chainsaw earlier.
* As I write this, every minute or so a guy rides by on a really loud moped. I saw him. He's clearly doing laps of the town.

Now, let me clarify that I've lived in the city. I've lived in thin-walled apartments. I've lived in the dorms. I've even lived behind the Jolly Roger in Regina for goodness sake! So I'm sure I'll get used to this. It is just crazy how quickly I've come to miss the silence of the snow and the stars already. If any of my neighbors read this, no offense, it is not you, it's me.

It is crazy what a grumpy old man I am. I swore I'd never be that guy! But what can you do?

I think I hear the moped coming around for lap six. Oh if only I had a pair of red full-body long johns and a sawed off shotgun to fire in the air ....


matthew a. wilkinson said...


This one really made me laugh.

Chainsaws, and a guy doing laps on a moped. That's perfect.

Embrace your innner curmudgeon!

lorena said...

Oh ha ha, you are cracking me up.

Too bad you moved. I heard you had really quiet, respectable neighbors in your old neighborhood.

Tony Tanti said...

Wow, doing laps on a moped, must have been a Xmas gift somebody hadn't gotten to use since getting it.

And who doesn't pick up their dogs crap, is that just a city thing? Everyone picks it up out here, there's even bags for it in the parks.

And I can't stand people who cut through other people's property. I mean come on, I think you could legally shoot them in that instance.

Coutts said...

yeah this town is way behind in picking up their dog crap. its ironic because some people talk about this place like it is some kind of utopia but i have trouble imagining myself stepping in dung in utopia.

i must say that i met our neighbors today (they moved in during the deep chill) and they turned out to be very nice and seem quite considerate. this was only after i had chased them off my property with a stick though, so i don't know what they think of me.